When A Kid's In Crisis, So Are His Parents

When people find out that I authored 2 Late 4 Time Out: A Parent's Guide To Understanding The Juvenile Justice System, they ask me a bunch of questions I only wish I could answer.

The Internet is much smarter than me, any team of experts or policy makers. Here's just a brief sample of what people are asking in whispers and cries, gleaned from the confessions of hundreds of tearful caregivers and other adults concerned with troubled youth.

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Q: My 23-year-old son lost his job, his wife left him and now he’s back home with me, his retired 65-year-old mother. I’m too tired help him get himself back on track. Where can I send him or where can I get help before he falls back in with his old friends and ruins his life?

A: We couldn't think of where to start with your question, so we typed your entire question into Goggle and found an excellent 12-page Recovery Support Provider Directory that is certain to be helpful. It's at the California Access To Recovery Effort (CARE) program website, brought to you by the County of Los Angeles, but when we went to the L.A. County Info portal and used “L.A. Cares 4 Youth” as our search criteria and we couldn't’t find the list.


Q: I heard Monica’s Scream and I just want to tell you that I understand!!! I am a hard working single mother who lives in Inglewood and works in Orange County, commuting 3 hours a day. My 17-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter don’t just disrespect me, they violate all my house rules. My son has an anger problem—he hits the furniture, the dog and he even hit me once or twice—and my daughter may be seeing boys in the home. Where can I go for help?

A: We tried L.A. County Online, with the pretty basic search criteria “juvenile anger management programs” and then, just “anger management.” Besides a Courtney Love story and some other editorial stuff, we couldn't’t find anything here. But we did find a few good resources in the California Safe State Teen Dating Violence 11-page Directory. You and your daughter, on the other hand, could benefit from the resources and advice on the Girls Inc. website.

Q: I’m so embarrassed—too ashamed to tell my priest, my family or anyone—but I’m afraid that my 15-year-old son is either in a gang or ready to join one in our East Los Angeles neighborhood. Someone told me that Mothers Against Gang Violence could help but they can't help me now and that's when I need it. How can I find some intervention in our area? P.S. We live in public housing!

A: Besides the Sheriff’s and Probation Department's programs, we had to really hunt for this. Doing a search for “L.A. County Gang Intervention Programs East L.A.” produced no results. But we have a little better luck with the County's programs here, L. A. Gang Intervention Contracts, 10/06-07, East L.A. Service Area. [Psst!!! The list is Attachment “A” Now you can let your fingers do the walking.] Also, dear Mom, there's a very comprehensive list of resources at the Street Gangs Dot Com website.

Q: Tomorrow will be the fifth anniversary of the day my son was sentenced to 18 years in state prison. I am sick now and just want my son to have someone to write and who cares about him after I’m gone. Is that too much to ask?

A: Yep, Mom, we’re sorry, but it appears that your request is too much to ask. [Just kidding! Nothing is too much to ask of the Internet.]

First, you might consider talking to one of the caring folks at Friends Outside, for some guidance in this matter. Then try contacting International Directory of Prison Ministries; they are 3,800 members-strong. Or, maybe Christian Pen Pals can help.

Now that we're on a roll, here are two other very large non-denominational organizations you may want to contact:
Prison Fellowship Ministries and Operation Starting Line.

But since you're not the only one reading this, we'd like to encourage people interested in other prison outreach programs to contact the Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents.


Q: I don’t know how involved he is but I just found over a dozen “High Times” magazines, strange glass bowl pipes and some small bags of white powder in my 16-year-old son’s closet. With his dark clothes, sullen and withdrawn behavior, and drop in grades, I’m afraid that he’s using drugs. We live in a gated community, so obviously I can’t talk to any of our friends, his school counselors, or our rabbi. What would you suggest before something awful happens.

A: You’re kidding, right? Guess what, something bad’s already happened. But that’s besides the point. You do need help, don’t you? I’m talkin’ letz get biz-e!

If there’s any doubt about what the substance your son is hiding and you don’t want to tell anyone just yet OR your kid is in straight-up denial, try the six-panel drug test from one of a thousand companies like Drug Test Your Teen, founded by a Mid-western mother-daughters team. For a quantity of tests [we're talking Costco], there are loads of sites, like the Canadian Pharmacy, you can purchase from.

Maybe your teenager comes clean with you but will only talk to a peer. Turn him on to the TeenLine Online site where, for nearly 30-years, professionally trained teen counselors in California have been reaching out to help other youth.

Now that you know your kid has a problem, consider family counseling before the Court orders it. Of course you can look at the listings on Yahoo or some of the other popular Yellow Pages Internet sites. Don’t hold us to it, but there’s a pretty good list at the Psychology Today website.

Drug treatment, intervention, counseling? You may have the bucks for private therapy, but there’s nothing like the fellowship of a good ol’ 12 Step Program for the addict and, yes, Al-Anon/Alateen, for you and the family.


Q: Three years ago we moved to Santa Clarita where we could buy a house large enough for our three foster kids. The problem is that one of our foster children is having real problems adjusting to life in the family’s new home. Can you help?

A: You’re in luck! Fifth District Supervisor, Michael Antonovich, is the only L.A. County Supervisor we've found who publishes an online Community Service Guide, and we looked everywhere for other County Supervisors with the same community outreach. [Thanks, Mike, you're on it for your constituents.]

Also, especially designed for foster care youth, check out the Steps To Independent Living website.
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Why does the City and/or the County need the 2 Late 4 Time Out web portal? Because one road cannot serve the transportation needs of any thriving city. Nor can one website serve the needs of all who seek answers.